Wednesday, November 16, 2011

My Son, the Art Prodigy

First of all, I thought about apologizing for neglecting this blog for so very long, but whatever.  I think we can all accept the fact that I'm a lazy slacking procrastinator so let's move on and get to this latest installment of the psycho.

My baby, my Terzo, my adorable little boy with the long, curly, surfer dude hair and drama queen tendencies has turned out to be an art prodigy.  Given his father's artistic talents, this is hardly surprising.  And like all true artists, Terzo pushes boundaries with his work, defying conventions and shattering all preconceived notions about the subject matter of childhood art.  Terzo's astounding gift first appeared when, at the tender age of four, he proudly handed me this drawing:
Clearly, this is the work of an astounding mind.  Let's dissect the symbolism here, shall we?  The two headed dragon (obviously a dragon and not a dinosaur, because the tail has a point at the end) represents Life.  Life is big and vomiting hot lava on the tiny, agonized people below. You could also interpret this as Life greedily sucking the blood, or will to continue living, from the tiny sad people with wings on their heads.  Or pigtails.  Whatever.  The point is, during the period of his life when Terzo created this piece, he had a lot of turbulence.  The stress of attending preschool, not always getting chocolate chip waffles for breakfast, and finally being forced to dress himself clearly made Terzo think about the human condition.

A year or so later, Terzo produced another work in honor of Mother's Day.  Traditionally, children choose subjects such as hearts, smiley faces, or flowers for Mother's Day art.  Not content to confine himself to such stereotypes, Terzo instead chose to take his love for me in another direction entirely.
Yes, his name is hidden for his own protection.  The last thing I need is some crazed art fan kidnapping my prodigy before I get him on the Today Show.  Anyway, this piece is titled Mother's Day Vampire with Unibrow.  Obviously, a nod to Frida Kahlo.  Being five years old is difficult.  Making the transition to kindergarten where the crowds of adoring little girls only got bigger (not to mention the pressure of having the teacher wrapped firmly around his little finger) caused a level of stress that Terzo could only express through his art.  Mother's Day Vampire with Unibrow, like the earlier dragon work, speaks to us about the draining drudgery of day to day life.  Or maybe it means, "Mom, when you forget to buy chocolate chip waffles you are draining me of the will to live." 

Terzo turned six this past year and, as his recent art demonstrates, has clearly matured.  His work explores new themes and invokes visceral reactions from his audience (i.e. his siblings and parents).  The sensitive nature of his latest pieces turned him inward with reflection.  His new-found maturity is shy, causing him to hide his work until he feels his audience is emotionally ready to absorb his latest message.  In other words, he folds his drawings up really, really small and tapes them into little envelopes and hides them from his mother.  Because true art must be revealed to the world, it is my sacred duty to wait until he's asleep, sneak into his room, scan his drawings into the computer, and share them with all of you.  Be warned, this type of high art is only for the truly cultured to appreciate.
This nearly monochromatic human study is titled Hermaphrodite with Weapons.  Or maybe it's a portrait of Ke$ha, I'm not really sure.  Doesn't she call herself "hot and dangerous" in one of her songs?  Um, not that I listen to Ke$ha...  Anyway.  Hermaphrodite with Weapons addresses issues of body image.  This person is portrayed as being very happy to be naked, armed with a gun and a big sword, perky boobs, and testicles sticking out of his/her hips.  He/She isn't only happy, but proclaims to the world, "I'm hot!"  Terzo's work tells us to love ourselves no matter how oddly proportioned our privates may be.  So what if your arms look like flippers and one of your eyes is half the size of the other?  Put a smile on your face and brandish your guns proudly!

Finally, I submit this last work for your artistic consideration, simply titled Nude Kid.   Although Terzo also hid this work in a tiny, homemade envelope, I feel it is important for the world to be exposed to this kind of raw genius.
Now, there appears to be several things happening.  At first glance, it looks like a naked kid with an albino penis is peeing on the floor.  His neck might be growing out of his torso, but his nipples are giving off rays like the sun so he's very happy.  The splash of color here really draws the eye, although the small evil face under the bed (birthday cake?  sink?  what the heck is that?) to the left is rather unsettling.  This work clearly means something unpleasant is always lurking nearby, ready to squash our joyful outpourings. 

I am taking offers from serious collectors wanting to purchase an original Terzo.  His best work must remain with us as part of his portfolio for applying to art school, but because it's only a matter of time before the school psychologist misunderstands my precious prodigy, any future sales of his artwork will be placed into a therapy fund. 


  1. HA! I love it. This exploration of your son's art was fascinating and intriguing. I find myself craving more of his art and your commentary.

    Visiting and following from Fab Friends Friday. Love your sense of humor!

  2. You know, these may become quite priceless if you hold onto them for a few more years!

    Your writing is hilarious, I'm glad to have found you from FTLOB! *following*


  3. Thank you for sharing these intriguing masterpieces. Your commentary is hilarious.

  4. Interesting to see how a child translates thoughts onto paper. These are truly priceless! Stopping by from ftlob. Enjoy your Sunday :D

  5. Hopping over from FTLOB Comment Sunday.

    All of those pictures are medal worthy but, of course, the last one is a treasure. I spy a dead fish and one can only surmise that the fish died in conjunction with the urine waterfall. However, I shouldn't ever really try to figure out works of arts and their meaning and just enjoy the experience.

    Love your blog. We have a lot in common. Looking at some of your past posts.

  6. My eyes are crusty from laughing. Crusty.

  7. Cool! I'm so glad Erin recommended this. I love your commentary!

  8. Thanks to the ftlob peeps for stopping by!
    @chelle That might be some kind of infection, actually. Sorry about that.
    @sheila Thanks! I don't even have an art degree!

  9. ...and a serial killer is born...

  10. Alli - you should be a Professor of Art Interpretion!!! I honestly, honestly, honestly ask what the hell goes on in your house??? I do know one thing. Patrick should be his agent because he can sell snow to an Eskimo.

  11. Perhaps there is an influence by Lady Gaga in there? So hard to know in the mind of a genius.

    I am pondering it still.

    Such brilliance! ;)

  12. @Anonymous: Honestly, honestly, honestly, 95% of the time there's not much of anything going on in our house. It's that other 5% that provides my inspiration!
    @StephanieC: You know what they say about genius and madness...

  13. Move over Picasso, there's a new kid in town.